They seem to be at a loss.... for thoughts

She looked around, dissapointed in the others. She had lost something, but it definatley wasn't her conviction. Frustrated that she had failed where everyone else had seemed to be succeeding. But why? Because she would not forfit her opinion?! It didn't make sense to her, but at the same time it did. Because he still loved her, in a way she hadn't lost.

Why would you try and change something you truely believe because someone else doesn't ? Nothing was making sense, but she had seen so many people change their mind for someone else. Maybe that is what it was really about, sacrifice of yourself. But how long could that sacrifice really last before you got tired of not having an opinion. Then everything would fall apart, because you never really stayed true to yourself.

Confused and worn out, she dropped it.. to be thought about on a different day! Although she was still so torn apart, you could sometimes witness a smile. It would come and go with the blink of an eye, but there was still a glimmer of happiness in her. She found it in her ideas, and questions, something no one else could change.

Ooh... i'm leaavin ON A JET PLANE!!

Not an ordinary love... not an ordinary lie

With each day that passes comes new challanges. With every hour she dies a little bit more inside. And it seems she can feel her heart breaking. Nothing seems exciting, and even the thought of mustering up enough energy to walk around seems impossible. It's all wrong, and with each lingering thought of him.. she cries a little bit more. Not even pretending to be ok seems to work. The face she puts on looks like a paper mache mask, one that was very poorly done. Without hesitation she'll wear it, most likely for a long time.

this is dedicated to him...

Just waiting...

Salty tear drops trickled into her coffee cup as she sat there listening. REALITY... it had struck once again, not for the first time in her life. A sad silence had come over her life for a while, no knocking at the door, no laughing on the street. Her life had been filled with frustration and confusion. It seemed to be a constant game, one where she didn't know the rules. Everyone told her that she was cheating herself, but she didn't see how. Short cuts through here, and dodging bullets over there, and waiting.... always waiting. How long could she really wait to be noticed?

Elevators..

I find it hilarious when people get into the elevator, push the button and then proceed to STARE at the buttons, all the way up to 36! There are TV's in our elevators they pretty much have the news, and it repeats the same thing until about 2 and then the evening news starts to come up. I have wittnessed a man practically being crushed by a door because he wanted to finish reading the news. ITS NOT LIKE IT WOULDN"T BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES! Our elevators also say that they can fit 22 people, but I have a very hard time believeing this as when you get ten in there its cramped. Perhaps it was a typo and then ment to write 22 children.

I have also noticed that I simply cannot carry out the simple task of drinking a coffee without spilling it on me, or my keyboard or my computer, or somewhere on my desk. I think its inevitable that i will always be covered in coffee. Also, i realize this post sucks.. so.... go to hell... JERKFACE!

Red Skies in the morning....

She sat there looking at a picture of a beach, with a red sky and orange sand. She had been plagued with dreams. Dreams of the past, coming into the future. A poem reaked havoc on her mind, and looking at the sky no longer seemed to comfort her.

Music plays in the background as he tells her how he feels. She feels stupid and confused. The streetlamp lights up the dark night, he walkes away and she is left crying. She loves him, but he seems so lost. She let it happen, and in fact she wanted it to. Neither would it be the first or last time it happened.

She would make a sad attempt at mending. Most things she said would be laced with the sadness that only a broken heart felt. Afraid that she meant nothing, she would still go on giving her all. No longer would her skies be sunny and blue. She would wake to a red sky every morning.

Twice the bell has rung...

I heard you blaming me... for the things you have done. The mistakes you have made, and the reasons you have made them. I heard you tell him that its my fault, that if not for me.. things would be different.

I hope you realize that it really isn't my fault, that you can only blame yourself. These concequences are a result of your actions, and could only be changed by you. If they think differently of you, you shouldn't be surprised... you wanted it to be different .. and now it is.

Do you know what you've done? Do you know what you've ruined? I could not have saved it, even if I tried... your self distructivness has come to a climax, and now I believe you will have to decide...

What kind of life do I actually want?

An overview of what she calls life.

The question of the day seemed to be "how were your holidays?" This seemed to be a simple enough question, although she had a hard time answering it. It seems that she always has troubles answering questions like this. A period of time where things have gone up and down can only be described as mediocre. But no one wants to hear anything but "it was great!"

Starting out with a holiday spent alone, gifts she couldn't afford and then progressing to the surreal event of witnessing a man bleeding as a result of being stabbed in the entrance of a mall. Countless days spent packing and thinking, anticipating the move, the future.. the past.

A new home seemed to bring her some happiness, something she had been wanting for a long time. And perhaps it was this new home that brought on a pleasant but disturbing dream, that would leave her unsettled in her thoughts. There should be no need to worry, it was after all.. only a dream. And things would never be that way.